I feel myself at a loss for words lately. the best way to describe myself is worried.. every little thing frightens me from the risk of pre-term labor onward. The twins had their anatomy scans last Thursday and everything appears to look good. I will write more about that when I talk through the report with the peri this week. The contractions continue to be ever present in my daily life and they are quite honestly, freaking me the fuck out.
Thursday I got on the monitor after their anatomy scan.. and of course barely registered any uterine activity at all- because that seems to be what happens EVERY time I get on a monitor. Everything quiets down and I end up feeling like an asshat. Whatever. The only blip on Thursday was that my weekly cervical measurement seemed shorter than the one they got at the hospital Monday night. FREAK OUT. I texted the peri (still away) with the info and he said it is still in the ‘ok’ range as every measurement is subject to a margin of error. I got through Friday and Saturday but by Sunday I was in panic mode again (and still having the infrequent contractions). I knew S would be away Sunday night and I couldn’t risk having to drag 3 kids to L&D in the middle of the night so I went to L&D in the early afternoon.
My cervix was measuring pretty much the same as it was on Monday (better meas. than in the office Thursday) which is very good. The monitor picked up ONE contraction. Why is it that at home I have them in a much more frequent basis, but the second I get on a monitor it all becomes relatively quiet? The attending in the hospital was pleased with the U/S (they also looked at the twins’ heartbeats which were wonderful) and remarked that the boys are two very active little babies. Baby A showed off some thumb sucking skills in a make-me-melt moment. The nurse was wonderful again (a different one) and actually asked about Cullen and looked at his picture on my glass pendant. She reminded me that if I need to become a ‘frequent flyer’ there, I shouldn’t worry about it.. just come in. At this point I am beginning to get over my hesitations which is a good thing.
Regardless, I find myself a heated ball of anxiety and stress. I want an answer as to what the hell is up with these contractions. Are they braxton hicks? Is this a twin thing? The best I can think of to do is to just keep going in and getting on the monitor. I still have several weeks until viability and I just want to check them off without anything negative happening. I am very quiet and introspective lately. I can get out a post about what is happening but I am not in a state of mind to repeat it to everyone whom I talk to on a regular basis- it’s like I just want to give them the post and not really talk about it. It’s difficult and complicated to explain. Onward to Thursday….
Baby A had his feet on his forehead the entire time! 19 weeks
HOW is this comfortable!? ;o) Baby A
Baby A Profile 19 weeks
Baby B 19 weeks
I'm pretty sure this is Baby B.. a lot of back and forth towards the end of the scan.. 19 weeks
I’m so sorry things are so scary right now. This whole pregnancy after loss thing is an emotional roller coaster.
They are adorable! And so flexible.
Hang in there. I know that this is hard, but you are doing great.
They are real cuties. Little gymnasts!! Take it day by day. In my prayers
Adorable shots! And I wish I had a thought on anxiety other than ugh.
Oh I just hate when the ‘things’ that get us worried in this pregnancy happens at home or elsewhere but are a no-show when we go to the hospital or at the OB clinic to have them checked out. But I’m glad the hospital staff are encouraging you not to hesitate if these #$%^ things happen again. For your peace of mind and your bebes’ safety, be a frequent flyer if you must. So hang in there, mama.
I’m loving the twins’ ultrasound pics. Oh you’ve got a contortionist in there or a future yoga instructor eh.
Everything is just so anxiety-ladden. I can sort of imagine (because I’m not 19 weeks yet or having contractions), how scary each and every thing is (I feel a twinge or a backache and just wait for more bad things to start happening). It is so frustrating when the contractions decrease when you are being monitored, what is with that? It figures…it seems like things work out that way a lot when a doctor is finally looking at you.
I’m so glad that the staff at L&D have told you to come whenever you want and don’t make you feel bad for doing so. You shouldn’t feel bad, of course, but it’s nice to have supportive medical personnel. I LOVE that the nurse asked you about Cullen and looked at his picture. I would love her forever for that.
The pictures of the twins are adorable. I love looking at them and they cute positions.
Hoping and praying that the contractions decrease and that you have several more months with them inside you.
Look at those little darlings! So sweet. Leslie, I don’t have words to lessen the anxiety, I wish I did. Instead I am just going to keep wishing you all the luck in the world and keep telling you what adorable little babies you are growing.
It was hard enough with a singleton pregnancy. You have double the worry this time. I can only imagine. Sending you love and grounding thoughts. You are never far from my mind, dear Leslie.
xo
Oh my! How are you today? An update if you can…I am thinking about you and praying it’s just a twin thing.
I have never seen an ultrasound picture like that before….with a baby almost bent in half! Amazing what they get up to in there. The 3D picture shows quite a handsome boy!!!
I’m thinking about you and those beautiful babies Leslie. Every day.
Sending so much hope and love. xx
That is one crazy-flexible baby! Wow. I hear you x10 on that anxiety and I sure hope you can get through this in one piece. Babies, keep a’ growin’ for your mama and kick her all the damn time so she knows you’re good!
They look perfect and beautiful. I am so sorry you are freaking out. I know know know I would be too. I think the good thing is that you aren’t having regular contraptions on the monitor yeah? I hope all things remain positive. Sending love. I too have been awefully quiet in my blog. I have so much to say but haven’t sat to type any of it. Hugs
Beautiful pictures!!